by Jennifer Kleps
November 20, 2020
The woman I chose to interview for this assignment is my mother. Her name is Jennifer Murphy Kleps. She is 53 years old and lives in Portsmouth, Virginia. She is a single woman with four kids. My mother is a Japanese-American from Norfolk, Virginia with a curious spirit. I chose to interview my mom because she is truly one of the most interesting characters I know. In this interview, I will ask her about her many confrontations with race, gender, and religion. My mother will share her life story, her personal opinions, and go on a few eccentric tangents. She describes her childhood experiences as a biracial women and what it was like growing up with an immigrant parent in America during the early 1970’s. The interview took place in my mother's bedroom in early November. Throughout our conversation, my mother was eager to answer my questions as she loves to talk. She was honest and vulnerable when telling her story, not sparing an ugly detail or a single curse word. My mother uses her anecdotal humor to describe her thoughts and experiences. Her tone is optimistic, light-hearted, and sincere. Throughout the interview, she bounced around the room fumbling with different objects and completing a variety of tasks while I tried to keep her attention. She laughed, she cried, she contemplated. Here is her story.
J.K
Okay. So.
This is an interview, it's about your life story.
J.M.K
Okay.
J.K
All right. So, do you think that you can tell me the whole story and answer honestly, as if you've never told me before, because I feel like I know a lot already, but just pretend like you're telling someone you don't know for the first time. As if I were a stranger.
J.M.K
Okay, I can do that.
J.K
What is your name, birthday, and your age?
J.M.K
My name is Jennifer Murphy Kleps. My birthday is April 12 1966. I'm 53 years old.
J.K
Right. And where were you born?
J.M.K
Honolulu, Hawaii at Tripler Army Hospital.
J.K
Okay, where did you grow up?
J.M.K
Um, we moved to Virginia when I was about... I guess four or five years old, like around 1970 and then I grew up in Norfolk.
J.K
Tell me about your childhood. What was the best part/parts of it?
J.M.K
I grew up in Ocean View. My sister was a lot older than me. I was about three years old when she was in college. So she was going to school in Texas and we lived here in Norfolk. So I grew up kind of like an only child. So it was just me, my mom, and dad.
J.K
Okay well, who were your idols as a child if you had any and why?
J.M.K
Wait, I didn't tell you about the best part of my childhood life.
J.K
Oh yeah! Sooo, what was the best part?
J.M.K
Probably living right by the beach, I lived four blocks from the beach. We play outside all the time. You know, it wasn't like how it is now. I wouldn't even have shoes in the summertime, I would just go play outside all day long, from morning till night. We'd get up and walk to the beach have on a bathing suit with no shoes on and play in the woods. We were like a bunch of street rats.
J.K
Wait, what's that story about the frog or something that you found and put in a jar?
J.M.K
Oh no, the fish! Me and Jay were like five years old and my mom would clean fish. Like if my dad or someone went fishing. My dad would bring fish back or Jay's dad, do you know him? Anyway, my mom would clean the fish and Jay and I would ask her for the eyeballs. She'd put the eyeballs in a mayonnaise jar. So she put all these fish eyeballs and guts in the thing and we thought it would be cool to show Mrs. Woods (this old lady who lived behind Jay who would always give us candy). One day he was like let's take these and show her Mrs. Woods. I bet she'll give us some candy. So we're on her porch and we're five years old and then we started fighting over who got to hold it. We started grabbing it from each other and the next thing I knew the mayonnaise jar fell and smashed all over her porch. We just ran because we didn't know what to do. I don't know what happened. But we're like, oh my god. We didn't do it on purpose, she probably thought some bratty kids did it on purpose. So, the best part of it was playing outside.
J.K
All right. Okay, so the next question I was going to ask you was who were your idols as a child if you had any?
J.M.K
Um, as a child. I didn't really have any idols. I mean, I like Donny Osmond.
J.K
Who's that?
J.M.K
Donny Osmond, he was in like a boy group. The Osmonds.
J.K
Is that the guy with the glasses, that guy?
J.M.K
No. They were like the white contemporaries of the Jackson Five. But they were white. Donny Osmond. But it was a boy band like that. Donny Osmond was the youngest one and everybody had a crush on Donnie. Kind of like how you liked Nick Jonas.They were Mormons. It was weird. They were real churchy. Everybody liked it though.
J.K
Hmm okay. Um, what is your nationality?
J.M.K
I'm Japanese American, my mother was Okinawa. My father was French and Irish. My father did our genealogy, and we have family who fought in the Revolutionary War. All the way back to the Revolutionary War! You're a daughter of the American Revolution.
J.K
What? I'm French?
J.M.K
Yep. Because my grandmother was full French. So that what would that make you? I'm a quarter and you're an eighth.
J.K
Whoa, that's pretty cool I guess.
J.M.K
Murphy is a very Irish name too.
J.K
I know. So who were your parents and what were they like? So just their names and just a little bit of background about them.
J.M.K
My father was John Vincent Murphy. My mom was Reiko Murphy, her maiden name was Yamaguchi. She grew up in Okinawa and she was in Okinawa during World War Two. She was about 12 or 13 years old. My father did three tours in Vietnam, one in Korea. They met when my father was stationed in Okinawa, they were both about 18 years old.
J.K
I didn't know they were that young.
J.M.K
Yeah, they were about 18 years old and he kept going in to where she worked. It was like a lunch/diner place, like a Woolworths store. They had a counter there and you could order sandwiches and stuff like that. It was like a general store. My mom worked there and my dad got her fired because he kept hanging out all the time. So she got fired, and then he started bringing her his laundry to wash and then all of his G.I friends brought their laundry too for my mom to wash their clothes. Then they ended up getting married, according to the Japanese law. But the American government wouldn't recognize it because it was right after World War Two. And they didn't want American G.I's to marry the local women, the Japanese women. Then they had my sister so by now they're like 20. The United States government stationed him far away from them and said the only way he could get back to Okinawa was if he got out of the military and re-enlisted. He had to come back in as an E1 when he was already an E6. Then in order to get back to Okinawa, he had to completely get out of the military, re-enlist as an E1, and get sent back to Okinawa. So he did, he did all that to come back and get my mom and my sister. And I've got all of their letters. Did I tell you this? I've got letters, where he wrote her just about every day. There's hundreds of letters and they all say things like, "did you get the clothes for the baby?" "Did you get the money I sent?" "How is she doing?" He did that until he finally was able to get back to them. It's so romantic, isn't it?
J.K
What do you think the reasoning was behind that? Did they actually have an important reason for making him go through all that trouble, or do you think it was because they didn't want an American soldier to marry a Japanese woman?
J.M.K
They didn't want the American G.I with a Japanese woman. It was right after World War Two. The War ended in about 1945 and my sister was born in 1951. There was still a lot of Anti-Japanese sentiment in America because of Pearl Harbor. When my mom came, they got married, and the very first place they moved was Corfu, New York. Isn't that weird? Yeah, that's so weird. My mom called it her hometown in the U.S. and of course you know your fathers from Corfu, New York. There's only like 700 people in the whole town.
J.K
That is really weird. They were stationed there?
J.M.K
Well, no. My father was from there. My uncle's still lived there. So my dad went back there to be near his family and it just happened to be right down the street from your dad's mom and dad.
J.K
Weird.
J.M.K
His siblings know my uncle. My uncle was like the weird guy in town Jenny. He would make his own clothes and he was he's an artist. He's a writer. He's a published writer. So my uncle used to sell weed he grew to all the kids in the town, right? So the first time I met your dad, or the first time I went to Corfu and met all your aunts, I had to meet Colleen and Kathy and Tammy and Karyn all at once. And so I went to your grandma's house and every time somebody would come in Colleen would go: "her uncle is that guy from the library, remember the one who used to sell us pot?"
J.K
That sounds like her. All right, we're getting off topic.
J.M.K
Okay. That's interesting though right.
J.K
It's very strange. Well, alright, so what was it like growing up biracial in the 1970s?
J.M.K
Yeah, it was very hard. I mean, you have to remember in Virginia mixed marriages were illegal until like 1968 or 1969. Virginia is pretty ass backwards.
J.K
So where did your parents get married?
J.M.K
So my dad had to take the complete demotion, right. They married in New York. The government was not happy about an American soldier marrying a Japanese woman. When my mom came over here, she said they had a hard time finding anywhere to live because no one wanted to rent to a Japanese person or to an interratial couple. Even growing up biracial, you know, the black people would pick on me, the white people would pick on me.
J.K
Was there a lot of other like Japanese or Asian-American people?
J.M.K
No, I didn't know anybody. I mean, some of my mom's friends but most of them lived far. They lived in the area but none of them went to school with me. There are some Filipino people but it was you know, not anything like it is now.
J.K
Did you feel like as a child being biracial was an advantage or a disadvantage and why?
J.M.K
I hated it when I was a kid because I didn't want to look different. You know, there was nothing that looked like me or anybody who looked like me not on TV not anywhere. I was thinking about it. You know, I was thinking about how there's no there were no black baby dolls or Asian baby dolls. There was nothing that looked like me. Nothing. I hated it. They all looked like Christie Brinkley you know, they really wanted to look like Christie Brinkley with blond hair and blue eyes. Yeah, but when I was younger, I hated it. Because I did get picked on you know, when you're a kid, you just want to fit in. You don't want people to notice that you're different but I got over that. And having a mom who didn't speak good English, I think it helped me become a lot more independent early on. You know, because I had to make phone calls and stuff. My mom wasn't going to call the school or handle shit for me. I had to be independent early on. If I wanted to do something I had to figure out how to do it. So that was a good thing. It made me more assertive I guess. Even if I didn't want to be I had to be.
J.K
What about as an adult, how do you feel about being biracial? Is it better?
J.M.K
So, I think as I've gotten older I've realized how progressive my parents were.
J.K
Hmm, it's pretty moving that they fell in love in a time of such adversity.
J.M.K
Oh, yeah and I mean when we came here my mom couldn't speak English. My sister couldn't speak English. So the school told them not to speak Japanese at home until my sister learned English and my sister ended up losing all of her Japanese.
J.K
Did she ever speak Japanese to you or anyone else?
J.M.K
Her friends but she never talked to us in Japanese. She just got out of the habit I guess, I wish she had taught me to speak Japanese it would be such a great thing to have.
J.K
It must have been really hard for her to not be able to speak her native language. Can you imagine?
J.M.K
No, I can't and then to have them say you can't talk to your own child.
J.K
Do you think she was lonely? You can't speak the only language you know well to anyone. Do you think you guys could have had a better relationship if she had been able to communicate and express herself more accurately?
J.M.K
Right. Right. I know. I think about that all the time.
J.K
Mom, no. I'm sorry.
It's okay, mom, it's not your fault.
J.M.K
I know but i just.
I wasn't really nice and understanding. I was kind of a bitch but my mom was always telling me everything I did wrong.
J.K
Well, the next question I have for you is what was it growing up with an immigrant parent? Is there anything else you want to add to what you said?
J.M.K
It was hard because my mom didn't fit in with the other moms. You know? That was hard and she was insecure about her English to she didn't like to come out and be around other parents because she was ashamed. So I remember one time. I was in the third grade, and there was a spelling bee. So maybe fourth grade, was it fourth grade? Well anyway, it was down to Keith Sherman and I, this other guy, and he was in the fifth grade. I ended up losing on purpose because whoever won had to go to Richmond. And I knew that my mom was going to be pissed if she had to take me to Richmond. So I just spelled the word wrong.
J.K
What was the word?
J.M.K
I can't remember now. I was just trying to think of that. I've no idea what it was. It was a word that was kind of difficult, but I knew how to spell it but I just didn't because I really did not want my mom to be mad at me for making her drive.
J.K
What was it like growing up with a parent who was a war veteran?
J.M.K
It was. It was cool. My dad was interesting. He read a lot. I mean, it was amazing. My parents were pretty progressive, I didn't realize how much until I got older. Society in general was still very segregated back then but in the military everybody was thrown together, you know, soldiers do soldiering together, you'd have to have each other's backs and they built real friendships, you know. Race didn't matter to my dad.
J.K
Don't you think that’s messed up? That they can't have equal rights in our country, but they can go fight for us?
J.M.K
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it wasn't that much longer before that, that they had the Jim Crow laws, you know, where people couldn't go to the theater on the same days or use the same bathroom. The military wasn't like that at that time. Everybody lived in the same base housing, you live next door to each other. I think I was probably sheltered from a lot of that shit, until it was time for me to go to school here.
J.K
When they started integrating the schools that must have been like a culture shock for you.
J.M.K
When they started integrating the schools, they had to bus us because the neighborhoods were still pretty segregated. Now, that's another interesting thing that I'm glad I was around for. I mean, when I first started school is the first couple years they integrated schools and they put us on a bus and we'd have to go like 30 minutes downtown and go in the middle of the ghetto to go to school. They started taking white kids and bussing them to the black schools and vice versa to mix us up. I feel like it's important. I'm glad that they did it. I mean, it was difficult. You know, there were riots in the schools. We couldn't go to school on the last day. Every year I don't think I ever went to school the last day because people would always get beat up.
J.K
Which parent affected you more?
J.M.K
Um, probably my mother. You know, you develop that closer bond with your mom when you're younger. My mom was there, just kind of cold.
J.K
Moms are the best.
J.M.K
I think they are. My mom was real judgy though. I couldn't do a fucking thing right. She would always say "why can you be like your sister?" Secretly, I think she really liked me the best, I don't know why she was so fucking hard on me.
J.K
Do you think she saw that you were so different from her and it was hard for her to relate to you but at the same time, she was really proud of you.
J.M.K
Well, she would always say "I can't control you." She wanted me to be a certain way but nothing I did was ever right so I stopped trying to please her. You know what I mean when somebody is hard to please you just give up after a while? You have to remember my mom lived in a cave during the war, she was an orphan who didn’t even know her birthday. She had no idea what a family is meant to look like. But I don't know, my dad read a lot. Both of my parents read a lot, my mom would read Japanese magazines and my dad would read everything. You know, he read all kinds of books and he would tell me cool stuff. He would talk to me about stuff that he was reading.
J.K
Do you think being a woman affected the decisions you've made in life? And if so, which ones in particular or if you don't think it did, that's okay.
J.M.K
Yeah, of course, of course it did. I don't know specifically.
J.K
Is there anything you think you would have done differently if you were a man?
J.M.K
Yeah, I might not have had so many children. Yeah, and I don't think it occurred to me, when I was having kids, how much I really had to set aside to be a mom. I felt like I really needed to stay home because if I was paying a babysitter everything I make it wasn't worth it for me to go to work until y'all were older. But it was hard to stay home, you know, because you kind of sometimes feel like life is just passing you by. Everybody's doing stuff and you're just sitting at home but it was so worth it, you know? And it went by so fast.
J.K
Okay. Have you ever been married?
J.M.K
Oh, yeah. I'm not good at it.
J.K
What were your marriages like? I mean, you don't have to go into full detail. Just a brief.
J.M.K
My first marriage, I think we were just too young. We got married, we were about 19 or 20. And then we had divorced in 93. So how old was I then? I was 25, maybe 24/25 when I was divorced, so I already had two kids. We were just too young and immature. He's still doing the same thing so I know I made the right decision. He's still a kid and doesn't keep a job and still, like sometimes he lives out of his car. So I'm glad I didn't stay with him. Because then I wouldn't have had you and Karin. The second marriage. I got married in 95 and we separated after about 10 years. So I've been single for a long time. I like it.
J.K
Have you ever been a victim of domestic violence? If so, how did it affect you?
J.M.K
Yes, I’ve been a victim of domestic violence. It had a big effect on my life. I was forced to leave my marriage with nothing--I lost my home, my business, my financial security. I won’t go into it that much detail because it’s the past. I will say there were red flags. I’ve learned not to ignore them. I could say a lot more, but I don’t want to dwell on it. Domestic violence shaped my life. If not for domestic violence I’d still be living in my house in the suburbs, never would’ve filed bankruptcy. I probably wouldn’t have started my own business or taken a job at the shipyard.
J.K
How did having children change your life?
J.M.K
Before I had kids... I've always been kind of a risk taker. Doing dumb stuff like when I was 16 I would just get in my car and drive five hours away to go visit a friend in Ferrum. You know, I was really young to be doing that. I would do crap like that. Like I would jump off the roof of a hotel. When we were down in Ocean View, we'd go pool hopping and I'd be like "watch me jump off the roof." Stupid stuff like that, because I just never thought about, you know that anything could happen to me. Then once I had kids, and I was like, "Oh, I gotta be careful, because if something happens to me, who's going to look out for them?" So it made me a lot more careful about how I treated myself also, because I needed to be around to take care of you guys. So, I'm glad I had kids. I mean, it changed me so much. And you know, I had thought that I had loved people in my life, but then I realized after I had my children that I never loved anybody, you know, because you see your kids and you immediately have this unconditional love where they don't even have to love you back. You're still gonna do everything you can to take care of this person, you know, they're shitting on you. They're screaming at you every time you pick them up. And all you want to do is just think, "Oh, I love you so much." And then even when your kids get older and they're being rotten, you're like "stop being so bad because I can't stand you." Kids don't know how much power they have over their parents. You guys can be really bad. You know? Like, all it does is just hurt us. I remember one time getting mad at Kasey and Bubba and I was like, "why do y'all keep doing this to me?" Kasey said, we're not doing it to you, mom. We're just doing what we want to do. We just want to do what we want to do. We're not trying to hurt you.
J.K
Okay, so what is the biggest lesson or lessons that you've learned from motherhood?
J.M.K
Well I did learn what the real meaning of love is you know there I've been in relationships before where I didn't want the person to do this or didn't want the person to do that or you know worried about how they were. Then when you have kids you there's this other person who you just want to have a great life. You know what I mean? Like it doesn't matter if they don't like you or why am I crying? It taught me to be more selfless.
J.K
I love you mom.
J.M.K
I love you too. Or you do stuff for your kids, but you don't feel like they owe you, you know what I mean? Like, you give them a car, but you know... you just want them to do the right thing. You want them to take care of themselves, but you don't feel the need to be like you're gonna do what I want to do or you can't... you know what I mean?
J.K
Some parents are like that.
J.M.K
Yeah. Thats crazy, but you have good judgment. I know you're always trying. I think you learned from your older siblings what not to do. I mean, you learned from the negative. Thank God because I really would have killed myself if you or Karin had been like them. I couldn't take it anymore. I really couldn't take it. I would have felt like a god damn… Only cause I worry about them. You know, they're not bad people. I just worry about them. Like, I wish they would at least take care of themselves.
J.K
Do you think you have to worry about yourself and take care of yourself for the people that love you in life?
J.M.K
That's exactly right.
J.K
Okay, what was the happiest time in your adult life so far and why? It can be like a memory, a time of your life, a career like just a time you always remember yourself feeling joy.
J.M.K
I think the happiest time of my life was probably when you guys were little and we hung out with Miss Gaynor and them all the time. Even though I wasn't happy in my marriage, you know a lot of crap was going on there. It was a lot of fun just to be able to spend all that time with with you guys and just yeah, hanging out with Gaynor and building some memories. And having my own business and doing all the model homes that was wonderful. And I feel like our best friends are yet to come. I have this idea that I'm going to have like a big giant house or maybe like the Kennedy compound. Yeah. And we're all going to have houses on the same compound and we're gonna help each other.
J.K
Together?
J.M.K
Yes.
J.K
Oh my god. Maybe.
Are you or have you ever been religious?
J.M.K
You know, I've searched for a long time I tried. I don't know, for a long time, I didn't know what I believed. I wanted to be a Christian. I wanted to believe but now I think I'm not religious. I'm more spiritual.
J.K
I get that a lot of people feel that way.
J.M.K
There's some crazy religions. I can't, it doesn't feel right. Honestly, I think they're all the same. I just think that we need to relax and understand.
J.K
But do you think that religion like? I feel like it can almost be sort of destructive in some ways?
J.M.K
Absolutely. I believe I'm spiritual. I have faith. I believe in having faith. But I think that any kind of religion all the dogma just makes people fucked up. It makes them close minded. Think about all the horrible things people do in the name of religion.
J.K
Do you think religion can be oppressive to women?
J.M.K
Oh my god, think about Christianity, every female in the Bible has been turned into a fucking prostitute or a goddamn jezza Bell, you know somebody who facilitated the downfall of all these men, that's what women are to them. In the Bible all women are like the downfall of men like Adam and Eve. Eve tempted him with the apple, you know, Fuck you. Fuck you. And it's serious. Why would you put it the middle of the fucking garden and say don't touch it? Tuck it away in a corner. You know what I mean? What the fuck? It's like, just what? According to the Mormons, black people are the sons of Cain. And they're black because Cain killed his brother Abel. You know, in the Mormon Church, they have saints. But black people can't be saints because why? Because they're black, and because they're the sons of Cain. It's just weird. Just weird shit they made up. The whole Mormon religion is fucked up anyway, it was made by a guy named Joe Smith, who couldn't read or write. And he found magical golden invisible tablets only he could see. This is true. Magical golden tablets that were invisible. Only he could see.
J.K
Hmm, was he a leprechaun?
J.M.K
No, he was just crazy white dude. He couldn't read. So this is what he did. He got his friend, his neighbor to translate like he would read what he was reading on the invisible tablets and said it to his friend. And his friend would write it all down because he couldn't read or write, but his neighbor could. So he was telling him and the neighbor wrote it all down. And his wife was like, Look, motherfucker, I know you're making this shit up. And she walked in and she snatched his notebooks and she took them all and hid them. Right? And she said, if you're really reading this, then you can do it again and it will say exactly the same thing. Right?
J.K
Did he?
J.M.K
He couldn't do it. So he had to write all new ones.
J.K
Oh, no.
J.M.K
That's what they based a religion off of this fucking nuts, isn't it? Yeah. look that up. That is true.
J.K
Okay, I'll look it up.
How do you think being a woman has affected the work that you've done?
J.M.K
Well, I think... The work that I've done, I don't know. I don't know, I mean, my working life probably would have been as broke up because I had kids. I probably would have started somewhere like your dad and been there for 30 some years and had plenty of retirement and a safety net.
J.K
Yeah.
J.M.K
Your dad, you know, while he was focusing on his career, I was focusing on my family which is what I preferred to do. So I can't really complain, you know, but it is kind of, you know with women you can either choose to have your family or choose to work and then your family suffers if you're working. Do you know what I mean by that? There's like nobody there with your family. I'm glad that your dad made enough money so I was able to stay home when I did.
J.K
What changes of ideas and experiences have you observed about race over the past 40 years?
J.M.K
Well, it's a lot more open, there are a lot more people marrying outside of their race. We're a lot more mixed up. And it's more of a true representation of society starting to look more like me. I guess that's what I could say. Like, with Obama. One reason I voted for Obama was because he was the most like me. Do you know what I mean? Like black people were claiming him and white people were acting like he wasn't white. He's not one or the other, he's both. And I know what that means to be stuck in the middle. You feel like you're not really either. I'm not really Japanese. I'm not really white. I'm both.
J.K
Did you ever see the National Geographic article? On the front cover it was like, their prediction of what they think humans will look like in 50 years or so.
J.M.K
No.
J.K
Basically the person looked like Rashida Jones but with blue eyes and blonde hair. Yeah. And so basically, they think that everyone can be all mixed up and 50 years.
J.M.K
That's what I think too and I think it's a good thing.
J.K
All right. All right.
What do you value most in life?
J.M.K
My family.
J.K
How did you learn about birth control and sex? And was it easily accessible to you? Was it hard to get on birth control? Did you know the consequences?
J.M.K
I knew the consequences. I think we learned it in school and I kind of pieced it together. My mom didn't tell me a lot. When I was like, 16 years old. I went to the health department and got on the pill. I was responsible. I mean, I have the same credit card, same checking account from the time I was 15.
J.K
I want to go back and ask you another question about Grandma. Do you think that being Japanese American and have a mother who grew up in Japan affected her parenting? How she was so hard on you? Do you think her need for you to be the best is a reflection of the shame culture that happens in Japan?
J.M.K
Yeah. Yes, absolutely. She did that to me all the fucking time. Shame on you. Shame on you and I would get so mad.
J.K
Do you think that can be good in some ways? Do you think American people don't feel as much shame?
J.M.K
I think Americans can be very selfish. I'm honest and I tell the truth because I'd be so embarrassed if you caught me lying. It's so shameful. Lying is a sign of weakness. It means you're afraid. That whole thing with Japanese honor and saving face. I mean, I think they take it too far. They were denying that they even had HIV in their country for a long time and if anyone needed help, they used to have to send them to Hawaii to get it because they wouldn't even acknowledge they had it in Japan. Before it used to be if you had a relative who was autistic or had a learning disability, or was in a wheelchair, they were very ashamed of them. Like, it's all about shame. Anybody who's less than perfect they don't want you. Japanese women, their average size is a four because they are so competitive. You know, they're always looking at each other and comparing themselves. It's horrible. No, yeah, my mom was a contradiction, though. You know, Japan was a closed country. Up until about 150 years ago, Japan was a closed country. When people would land they would kill them because they didn't want to mix the races. The Japanese were like no, we want a pure race. So it's so unusual that my mom considers herself Japanese and was very you know about honor and everything. But damn, if she didn't marry a GI. You know? We're hafu, half japanese and half white. Well, because our moms couldn't say half. Because in the Japanese alphabet, you have to have consonant-vowel, kind of like you have to have a vowel in between each. So they can't say half. My mom used to tell people I'm ha-fu. So that's what all the Japanese kids started calling themselves. We're ha-fu. You're "ni-ce" because your the second generation to be born in the United States.
J.K
All right, let's move on. Why did you name me after you? And do you think it was an act of feminism?
J.M.K
Absolutely. I named you after me because I couldn't think of a name I liked a lot. So I I was talking to your grandma Kleps and she said "well name her after you" because she named her youngest daughter after her. And, you know, men do a lot less and they name their kids after themselves all the time.
J.K
Preach.
Do you consider yourself a feminist and why?
J.M.K
Yes. I think every woman has to be a feminist. We need to be feminists. I think and I really think that it's not going to change until men start actually coming out and being supportive. And my reason for thinking that is... Did I already tell you this?
J.K
I don't know, you have to answer the question tho.
J.M.K
Like, you think about the civil rights movement So, you know, for women we're just fighting for our rights because we want to be equal. When the men and or when white people like in the civil rights movement stood up against racism it started to change the more they got involved. Because now it's somebody, it's an outsider, it's people acknowledging there's an injustice being done. You know, and it gives more backbone to us. So we need more men to step up and claim to be feminists because then it isn't just women. It's everyone acknowledging that it's not fair. And it's a disappointment to me when you talk to men who say there isn't a problem of gender inequality not just in the U.S but in the entire world.
J.K
In what ways do you embrace your womanhood?
J.M.K
I think just by allowing my softer nature and the way that I feel about my family and everything to influence the decisions I make. Yeah, I think it's the way that I relate to people in the world. I feel like if women had more power all along, you know, think about it. There's been millions of thousands of years in our society, right? And women are not equal to men because we had to stay home and take care of kids and be oppressed. Plus, we let those assholes do what they want to do. But I feel like had more women been in charge all this time, if the men shared more with the child rearing and everything, we wouldn't have had so many wars. To be a mother, to be an effective mother, you have to know how to make a lot of people get along. You take all these different personalities and you have them in the house and you have to make all these people get along, right.
J.K
What do you think your loved ones remember you most for?
J.M.K
I don't know, probably smoking weed. I hate to say that I hate to admit it, but I'm afraid it's gonna be "remember how mom was always fucking high."
J.K
Mom that's not true! Hahaha I think you're very progressive. And you like to learn new things. And what I think you've taught me most is that learning is lifelong.
J.M.K
You have to stay curious. You have to think curious or you'll get all stagnant, and it's never too late to fall in love with a new thing. You know what I mean?
J.K
Do you think you learn something new everyday?
J.M.K
Absolutely, and the more I learn the more I realize how much I don't know, and how much and it excites me to think about how much is out there. You know, there's so many cool things. We haven't even found the coolest stuff yet.
J.K
Well what's your hobby right now?
J.M.K
I love playing with my jewelry right now. Do you want to make some stuff I was just looking at? You see this?
J.K
You do have a lot of that stuff.
J.M.K
So let's make some stuff. Look like it. I've got all this jewelry. Oh, and so what do my kids think of me? I hope that, I hope that you guys would see me as being open minded.
J.K
That is how I see you. I think you're open minded and accepting and sometimes to the point where you can be a little naive.
J.M.K
I know.
J.K
But I think that's good. That you try and see the best in people and situations and you're very resourceful.
J.M.K
Well what I've also learned to and right now that my hobby is and I'm not good at it is trying to learn to meditate. I really want to like commit myself to meditating. I think you should too, Jenny. I mean it seems like it's this one single thing that you can do for yourself that will benefit you that doesn't cost anything and it makes huge benefits have you read about all the benefits of meditation?
J.K
Yeah, in my world religions class.
J.M.K
I really learned we don't really have control over anything. And I really believe life is supposed to flow it's supposed to be easy, you know, things are supposed to roll. And when they're not, that's because we're inserting ourselves into their process and getting in the way. Yeah, I think well, you know, grandma believed in ancestor worship. She prayed to her ancestors, so we should probably be praying to her.
J.K
It sounds weird because I don't remember Grandma that much but I always kind of feel like she's with me, do you feel the same way?
J.M.K
She probably is. You look the most like her. She loved you so much. First she didn't want to go to her chemotherapy. Did I tell you that? She just had a car accident and she had cancer. She said, "I'm not going to go." She said," I'm just tired. I don't want to go to the hospital. I don't want to do anything else." And then I found out I was pregnant with you. And I was on the pill I think and I was really upset because I already didn't like your dad. But as soon as she found out I was pregnant with you Grandma said "okay I'm going to go to chemotherapy and I'm going to try to live so I can see this baby." Yeah, I believe that she's always with us. And she believed in ancestor worship and she said that she was always going to be watching over us. If you ever hear a music box, you should keep a music box at your house because that's how I told her to get in touch with us.
J.K
Okay I will. Um so this is my last question.
What is the biggest piece of advice you can give young women of today?
J.M.K What's the best advice? Always keep learning. Trust your own judgment over anyone else who causes you to doubt yourself. Surround yourself with good good friends. I mean and family if you have it, but if not, you can always have friends. And don't settle. Don't settle and don't jump. You know don't jump into the first relationship the first guy, hold out for the best one. Or be by yourself. I feel like you should get comfortable with being by yourself. So you're not with somebody just for the wrong reasons. I like being alone. I actually like being alone. If I'm going to have somebody in my life permanently. They better add something.
J.K
Right. I agree. Somebody to make you a better person or make your life better.
Okay Mom, I'm going to stop this recording now.
After reading over the interview with my mother I decided to refer to her in my final paragraph using her first name instead of just referring to her as “my mother.” It is one thing to listen to her tell stories but after reading her reflections and experiences back once more I want to emphasize the fact that she is not just “my mother,” she is a person.
Jennifer began her life by being thrown into a world of prejudice and circumstances that were out of her control. As a biracial woman, she struggled with her identity and was ostracized by many of her peers. Growing up a half-Japanese girl in white America led her to develop insecurities about her physical appearance. She spoke about her desire to look like supermodel Christie Brinkley and grew to resent her slanted eyes and high cheekbones. The media’s failure to represent a diversity of women relates to the theme of a “white, western European ideal of beauty run amuck” in Nicole Danielle Schott’s article “Race, Online Space, and The Feminine.” I learned that in her early adult life she was confronted with the decision to choose between a successful career and experiencing motherhood. She played the role of an emotional laborer, taking care of the home and the children while her husband made the rules. This is a role many women have become accustomed to playing because of the false belief that “women are just better at those kind of things.” According to an article in Gendered Voices, Feminist Visions entitled “Women Are Just Better at This Stuff” “this is a role we have simply become accustomed to: the woman as the emotion manager” (Hackman 517). Jennifer fell into this societal expectation of motherhood and for many years neglected her personal goals and pursuits for the sake of her husband and children.
Jennifer spoke briefly about her experience as a victim of domestic violence and even stated that it “shaped her life.” The verbal and physical abuse she encountered during her second marriage connect closely to the documentary we watched in class. She expressed her detachment from religion and the path of exploration that led her there. Her choice to remove herself from all religious affairs was based on many factors including her belief that religion often paints women as subordinate and lesser than men. This idea that religion is a form of oppression is a key theme in chapter 12 of Gendered Voices, Feminist Visions; “the underlying assumption is that men are more Godlike than women.” Despite Jennifer being the woman that raised me and the person who shaped many of my core values, I realized there is still so much I do not know about her. My feminist beliefs were built upon her stories, lessons, and my near silent observations of the way she encountered adversity. This assignment gifted me with a written record of my mother's voice, which I will always keep and most likely re-read over the years. For that I am grateful.
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